Thinking about it, I'm not much of an authority on really nasty jokes... let's get the ball rolling in here and everyone can display their arsenal. Hopefully we'll get a bit of momentum with it and some serious one-upping can occur...although thats wishful thinking maybe

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Spoiler:

Gang rape.

Oh. I went there.

What's got 3 Legs and used to live on a farm?

Spoiler:

Paul & Linda McCartney

What do you call three lepers in a hot tub?

Spoiler:

porridge!

What's 8 inches long, silver & lies at the bottom of your daughter's bed?

Spoiler:

Gary Glitter's shoes

Newcastle's Nativity Play is officially fucked.

Spoiler:

There's 1 wise man nobody likes, 11 donkeys & the messiah's fucked off!

Did watching the Olympic Sprint final remind anyone else of a London nightclub?

Spoiler:

1 gun shot & 8 black men start running

Watching the Olympics, I started wondering "is there anything the Chinese aren't good at?" then I remembered

Spoiler:

....cockle picking

What's the best thing about shagging thirty-five year olds?

Spoiler:

There's thirty of 'em!

Hello!

Gary Glitter was caught buying a case of Bells Whisky

Spoiler:

He heard it's a smooth 8 year old that goes down easily

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Spoiler:

rape

How do you make a small cock look bigger?

Spoiler:

Put it in a childs hand

The Foreign Office have updated their travel advice for those UK nationals travelling to Thailand. The Thai police are cracking down on what clothing can be worn on certain parts of your body.

Spoiler:

The news comes after Gary Glitter was sentenced to three years in jail for wearing a wee Thai round his cock.

A blonde goes into a chemist and asks the man behind the counter for some anus deodarant. The Chemist looks puzzled and says "Sorry madam but there is no such thing."

The blonde insist there is saying "I've had it before and it was from this shop that I bought it." The Chemist continues to look confused and the blonde goes into her bag, saying she has an empty one so he can see.

She produces a stick of deodarant and says...

Spoiler:

"See?! Big letters - TO APPLY PUSH UP BOTTOM"

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

Spoiler:

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What do you call 100 white guys chasing a black guy across country?

Spoiler:

The PGA Tour

What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

Spoiler:

They can both smell it but they can't eat it.

What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common?

Spoiler:

Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.

Following a whirlwind romance, Gary Glitter is to marry his fiancee tomorrow in Gretna.

Spoiler:

When asked why his in-laws weren't invited, he claimed his bride hadn't spoken to her parents since a nightmare holiday last year in Portugal.